You're Never Really Done: Steps 10 and 11 of the 12-Step Journey

There's a moment near the end of any big project when you think, "Almost there. Just a little further, and I'll be finished." That feeling can be a trap.

As I was talking with Craig, our guitarist, before a recent service, he reminded me of something important about the 12 steps: you're never really done. You keep going back. And honestly, that's the whole point.

Discipleship works the same way. When can a Christian say, "I have arrived"? Not this side of heaven! Following Christ is a lifelong process of returning to his teachings, returning to the foot of the cross, and continually asking God to change us from the inside out. We are never finished.

That's the spirit behind steps 10 and 11, what we might call the steps of awareness and patience.

Mary, Martha, and the One Necessary Thing

In Luke chapter 10 Jesus and his disciples stop at the home of Martha, who welcomes them in and immediately gets to work hosting. Her sister Mary, meanwhile, sits at the feet of Jesus and listens. Martha, frustrated, asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her. His response is gentle but direct:

"Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken from her." (Luke 10:41-42, CSB)

How many of us, if Jesus were physically present with us right now, would hear something similar? You're worried about a lot of things. And maybe they're even good things. Martha wasn't doing anything wrong; she was trying to serve, to be hospitable, to take care of people. But in the busyness of doing good, she missed the best thing: sitting at the feet of Jesus.

The French philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote in the 1600s that all of humanity's problems stem from our inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Think about that. It was true then, and it may be even more true now, when our phones give us an escape from silence every moment of the day. We distract ourselves constantly because stillness can be uncomfortable. It can even be painful.

So many of us are Marthas. We stay busy, stay productive, let our worries stack up until they tip over into resentment. Steps 10 and 11 are an invitation to become a little more like Mary.

Step 10: Keep Taking Inventory

"We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it."

This step is about moving from repair to maintenance. Think of it like your car: getting the front end rebuilt after an accident is different from the regular oil changes and tire rotations that keep everything running smoothly. You may have done tremendous repair work in earlier steps. But maintenance is ongoing.

Here are a few practical ways to work step 10:

The Spot Check.

Throughout the day, pause and run through the HALT acronym: Am I Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? When you find yourself ready to snap at a coworker, reach for an old habit, or spiral into negative thinking, stop and ask those four questions. Almost always, at least one of them is at the root of it. Grab a snack, take some deep breaths, call a friend, or take a nap. These aren't complicated solutions, but they work.

The Daily Review.

Set aside time, whether in the morning or evening, to look honestly at your day. Start with your blessings. What went right? What are you grateful for? Then examine the harder moments: when did you feel anxious, ashamed, or short-tempered? Pray about those. If you wronged someone, seek forgiveness. Then look forward: what will you do differently tomorrow?

The Periodic Review.

Every month or quarter, zoom out. Look at the bigger picture of your growth. Celebrate how far you've come. Note where you've struggled. Recommit to revisiting earlier steps as needed.

Step 10 keeps us from going on spiritual autopilot. It's also foundational for what comes next.

Step 11: Replace the Bad with Something Good

"We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out."

Jesus tells a strange little parable in Luke 11 about a person who drives out an unclean spirit. The spirit wanders, finds no place to settle, and comes back to find the house clean and empty. So it moves back in and brings seven more spirits with it. The person ends up worse than before.

The point is this: you can't just remove the bad. You have to replace it with something good. An empty house is a vulnerable house.

Step 11 tells us what fills the house: prayer and meditation. Prayer is talking to God. Meditation is listening. Some people flinch at the word "meditation" because of its association with other spiritual traditions, but the biblical concept is simply chewing on scripture, turning a word or phrase over and over in your mind throughout the day until it becomes part of how you think and move.

In John 15, Jesus says, "I am the vine and you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, will bear much fruit, for without me you can do nothing." Step 11 is learning how to abide. It's learning how to remain connected to the source, the vine, so that the life and power flow to you rather than leaving you dried out and vulnerable.

It's also the antidote to ego. Prayer and meditation quiet the part of us that insists on its own way, that small, loud voice asking, "But what do I want?" and replacing it with a better question: "What does God want?"

Not my will, but yours be done. That prayer, said honestly and repeated daily, has the power to change everything.

Which One Are You Today?

Martha or Mary? Busy or still? Running on willpower or drawing on something deeper?

Discipleship and recovery are both lifelong journeys. There is no finish line this side of heaven, and that's actually good news. It means every day is another chance to sit at the feet of Jesus, to do a honest check-in, to pray for God's will and the power to carry it out.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to take the next right step.