Step 5: The Freedom in Being Fully Known

We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Have you ever been around someone so good, so wholesome, that it made you feel worse about yourself? Maybe someone comes to mind. You feel self-conscious around them, trying your hardest not to cuss or make a crude joke. I promise you, they've got their own stuff. We're all imperfect. We're all human.

That's kind of how it was around Jesus sometimes. He had this way of bringing out self-awareness in people, of revealing what was hidden in their hearts. But here's the key: he never left people in their shame. That's the difference. That's what Step 5 is all about.

The Woman Who Was Fully Known

In John chapter 4, Jesus encounters a woman at a well in Samaria. They have this back-and-forth conversation about living water, about deep spiritual thirst. Then Jesus says something that changes everything: "Go call your husband."

"I don't have a husband," she replies.

"You're right," Jesus responds. "You've had five husbands, and the guy you're with now isn't your husband."

Does that seem terrifying to you? Someone who could look inside you and tell you everything about yourself? Someone who could shine a light on those dark crevices of your soul?

For her, it was freeing. She ran back to town and told everyone, "Come see a man who told me everything I ever did!" She couldn't keep it to herself. She was fully known and fully loved, and that changed everything.

John 3:17 tells us that God didn't send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save it. The moral inventory of Step Four isn't about kicking yourself while you're down or putting yourself on a guilt trip. It's about freeing yourself from the burdens that weigh you down. Sometimes the only way to find that freedom is to go through the mess – admitting it all to God, to yourself, and to another person.

Whom Do You Trust?

Step 5 really comes down to trust. Do you trust God with your mess? Do you trust him to be gentle, loving, and accepting with you? Or does your understanding of God paint him as a cosmic policeman, hiding in the shadows, waiting to pounce on you the moment you do something wrong?

Some of us need to reckon with our understanding of God. He's not out to get you. He's on his front porch waiting for you to come home.

Do you trust yourself? Can you be honest and fully transparent? Or do you judge yourself too harshly? For so many of us, we are our own worst critic, which makes it hard to be honest even with ourselves.

And do you trust someone else? Is there someone in your life you can trust to be fully open and honest with about the exact nature of your wrongs? A note: sometimes your spouse or best friend isn't the person for Step 5. When you're exposing your resentments, fears, and the harm you've received or caused, the people closest to you might be on that list. That's okay. It could be a therapist, a pastor, a strong friend, or your AA sponsor. Just be thoughtful about who you choose.

The Slaying Is in the Telling

There's an ancient story about Odysseus and the sirens. The sirens were mythical beings who could get inside your head, who knew all your hopes and fears, dreams and despairs. They would sing a song to draw you in and destroy you. The only way to defeat them was for someone to hear the siren song and live to tell about it. Odysseus had his men tie him to the mast of their ship while the rest of them wore wax ear plugs. Odysseus survived the ordeal, but the sirens were only truly defeated when he told of the experience to someone else.

The victory was in the telling. And if you've ever shared your testimony with someone, you know what a relief that can be. Opening your heart and being fully vulnerable lifts the burden you've been carrying.

Psalm 32 captures this perfectly: "When I kept silent, my bones became brittle from my groaning all day long. For day and night, your hand was heavy on me. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not conceal my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,' and you forgave the guilt of my sin."

The Transformations

When you admit the exact nature of your wrongs to God, to yourself, and to someone else, you'll find transformation:

From self-delusion to self-awareness. Sometimes the person we're trying to deceive most is ourselves. Self-awareness is critical to becoming the person God created you to be.

From shame to compassion. When you finally open up, you're often met not with condemnation but with compassion from someone who will lovingly receive your story; thereby making it possible for you to show compassion to yourself in turn.

From isolation to intimacy. Our secrets keep us sick. True relationships cannot be formed in secrecy. They can only come by opening yourself up fully and honestly.

From acknowledging God to experiencing God. Moving from head knowledge that God exists to actually experiencing God's grace in real time, his arms wrapped around you, saying, "I'm here. I've got this. Welcome home."

From a double life to wholeness. No more balancing different personas or wearing different masks. You become one complete, whole person, no matter the circumstances around you.

From fear of judgment to receiving grace. Those worst-case scenarios you play through your mind don't have to control you anymore. When you share with someone else, you can receive the grace they have to offer.

The Freedom You're Looking For

What we all want deepest in our lives is to be fully known and fully loved. Yet we're afraid of both, because we think if somebody really knew us, there's no way they could possibly love us.

But time and time again, God through Christ proves that thinking utterly false. The one who knows us better than we know ourselves loves us more than we could ever love ourselves.

First John 1:9 promises: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." When we are unfaithful, God is still faithful. When we fess up, he comes in and helps us clean up the mess.

James 5:16 says it plainly: "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed."

There is freedom in confession. This is where real transformation begins. Whatever sin, whatever struggle you're working through right now, God is with you. He is for you. And he will help you overcome.

Can you do that this week? Can you trust God with your mess, be honest with yourself, and share the exact nature of your wrongs with someone else?

The slaying is in the telling. The victory is in the confession. Your freedom is waiting.

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